Hitting 'the wall'

Long distance runners sometimes talk about the time in a race when their legs suddenly just seem to stop working. The muscles clench and tense as their legs turn in equal amounts to wood and jelly. Nothing makes them go anymore. The spring has finally unwound and there is no more energy or capacity to do any more. The brain has disconnected from the body and it is as if there is absolutely NOTHING left to give. This is not a brick wall that is 'theoretically' difficult, it is one that is literally and physically difficult.

But amazingly about an hour later, those same marathon runners pass the finish line. Running, walking or stumbling (as I would be), that white line is passed. Someone thrusts an energy drink into a weak and limping hand and hugs a space blanket round those tense and tired shoulders. Then slowly the euphoria of the achievement dawns on the runner. They made it! They did it! And in what time!

Perhaps in every long race in life we hit that wall. And I did last week. I was totally at my wits' end. A property we had viewed in January, which we subsequently made an offer on, and worked on really hard to buy (there were many issues that we had to overcome to get this far) fell through on Wednesday. Not only had we put in a lot of hard work, there was also the solicitors' time (which we paid for), the structural reports, the mortgage company's time - which all amounted to nothing.

After weeks of oscillation, the mortgage company pulled the plug on the offer and decided that they needed to instate a full retainer in order to ensure that basic upgrades were completed. However, their requirements were so totally unrealistic that after much consideration I decided we had to withdraw. We had explained from the start that this house needed a LOT of work. It was a project! It was a development that needed re-wiring, some plumbing, redecoration, a new bathroom and kitchen. Lots of re-plastering, quite a bit of building work, and yes something that your usual house buyer would not even pick up the bargepole of let alone use the bargepole to touch it. I had not left any detail undisclosed. I was constantly told that the mortgage would not be a problem. That is until three days before completion! A phonecall in the middle of my unremarkable and plaster-dusted morning announced the decision. Final. Decided. Certain. That was it - no mortgage, no property purchase. Four months of completely wasted effort, time and expense.

 After talking to the estate agent, she told me this wasn't the only time recently that a similar situation had occurred to another developer, where initially the bank were all hearts and flowers 'yes sir, how much sir, three bags full sir'. And as the time neared for completion and the hand-over of the said mortgage monies became a reality, the tone changed to 'how much sir? really sir? for THAT property sir?'. It seems that still the power lies well and truly in the hands of the financiers.

And at that point I just felt totally deflated. I began to question my plans, my hopes, my dreams. What's the point of all this property development? Why do it? It's painful, tiring, stressful, nerve-wracking, expensive, worrying, and demanding. I began to ask myself whether I had the skills, the ability, the knowledge to do this stuff well. Maybe I am not cut out to be a property developer and I need to lower my expectations. Perhaps I have too much to learn. And even when you have bought a property that seems to offer potential (as we have in Crewe) what you previously believed to be a gold mine, is actually a money pit. No progress apart from a total drain on finances seems to be occurring. It is so slow and unseen. It is dirty, dusty and raw. Every which way you turn there is mess, chaos and cost.

Yup, I hit the wall you might say.

But I still carry on.

I haven't quite crossed my own white line yet - the finishing one I mean. But when that day appears I can tell you that I am well and truly going to enjoy the hug of congratulations (even if only from my hubbie) and the warmth of the euphoria of completing such a housing marathon this year. And the energy drink? Well I have to admit that I suspect it will be SLIGHTLY stronger than a Lucozade Sport.