The landlord's armoury

Some tenants may make you feel like this

It is useful to have a number of items in your 'landlord armoury' in case of serious diversion from the intended plan. Our intended plan being: buy property, rent property out, get income, next. In case of part three (get income) not happening due to a tenant's refusal / inability / recalcitrance to pay I suggest a blowtorch and some blood pressure tablets as part of said armoury.

We heard last night that our 'problem' tenant has decided to sit it out for the full length of the notice period (8 weeks) without giving us a penny in rent and without any intention of  looking for alternative accommodation. After some hitting of heads on walls and tearing of hair (our own not hers), we discussed the potential courses of action open to us. Following much discussion and deliberation, our top three in no particular order were:

1)  Go round with the blowtorch and melt all keyholes so that the locks have to be changed (and we'll keep the new keys all TO OURSELF so tenant can no longer get in)
2)  Pour paint over tenant's car
3)  Dance the performance of a wild banshee outside the front door until tenant agrees to leave

Unfortunately each of these either falls into the a) immoral, b) illegal, c) both or d) insane category of behaviour. So instead I think we'll continue along the path of legal eviction and possession, under the Housing Act 1988.

Instead of taking out our frustration on our own property, the tenant or her property, the armoury will be called upon to help us in this situation. Therefore as well as the aforementioned blood pressure tablets, and blowtorch I also suggest an amount of cash savings to call upon in case of such emergency. Not of course to pay the mortgage with, but to put down as a deposit on our next holiday. Goodness knows we'll need it.